my rant part 1 - committed

When I was in a r/s, I tend to put too much effort into it, that I lose friends.
I mean, you like that guy so much, that you would wanna see him often, text him 24/7, constantly running around your schedule to fit his. Oh gawd. It's tiring. But you know you would rather do all that then not NOT see him. You'll miss him. I've been there. It goes to show you're committed to your partner. You are in it for real. But, I really wanna know how do you put  a line and balance it. Cause, pls, tell me you do it well. And share it to the world. You're either an obsessed gf/couldn't be bothered gf. He's your, 'significant other', so to speak. Unless, he's my husband, I shouldn't be too obsessed, right? I mean, when I was having trouble, I would then run to my girlfriends. They stick by me and cheer me up. They were my punching bags. But when I'm not, I would spend less time with them. Basically, meeting them up in school was the best I could do. I feel.. stupid. What do I get after 4 years of all that? I lose him. But what do I gain? 2 other not-to-be guys, whom I lose again. But, friends, even if I did was an arse once, abandoning them, I eventually gain them back. I need to get a bf who's perpetually busy I guess. *shrugs* It all comes down to me, myself and I.

I've learn that going to another guy thinking he might be the one, just because, isn't gonna solve this complexity problem I'm facing. If I could survive more than 2 years without one, I could do it for another few more years. I do wonder why the hell am I not panicking when everyone around me, (some younger) talks about r/s & marriage. They are so brave that I wish I could say the same. Ok, wait, I did talked about all that when I was 20. So c'mon, Fiz. I know I will be at that stage again, someday. But for now, family & friends before any 'significant other'. I mean, someone has to play the role of that one friend who is single & always listens. I like that role. And I'm pretty decent at it. I don't want to live in regrets. I want people around me to be happy. And everyone deserve to. Happiness is found differently for every individual. Let's embrace this Fiz. Don't care what others have to say about you, listen, don't dwell on it and live happily. =D

Bubbles off~

Because love isn't magic.. And the heart isn't a toy..

Aku rindu.
Rindu pada kedamaianmu.
Sejuk menular ke dalam hati.
Aku rindu.
Rindu pada ketenanganmu.
Sejuk menular ke dalam hati.
Aku rindu.
Rindu pada keutuhan alam.
Sejuk menular ke dalam hati.
Rindu... sangat rindu.
Ya Rabb.
Ciptaan Mu.
Aku rindu.

(c) HafizLia

Just look at my amateur photos.
Don't you wish you were there right about this moment.
Enjoying the sea breeze. Feasting your eyes to the beauty God made.
Ah. I could kill just to be there.
I need a getaway just to take pictures & random walks.
Shopping could wait.

Looking at what I'm blessed with now, my heart & mind, finally, had an agreement.
Whatever past issues I had, those selfish heartaches, the messy arguments, all led to a life I couldn't wish for more. Alhamdulillah.

Ah. Having to blog this, makes me smile. Again.
I have proof that I've moved on and grew so much from every obstacles given.
*teary* Oh dear. How I'm stronger than I think I am.
I may not be the best daughter, the most awesome a friend, a good citizen etc etc,
with the little that I have, be it advise, the things I have/made, I would share to those that asked. I met so many great people in life. God just showed me how He works. He may take one person away from you, but He'll return you with plenty. Better ones who'll fit you like a handshake.

I chose to live this way. Why?
Because of whatever I went through in the past, I chose to live happily without grudges and be thankful with the little that I have, day by day.
Friends kept asking, "why aren't you in a relationship?"
Hah.
Silly people.
Because love isn't magic..
And the heart isn't a toy..
I'm taking things slow.
Age, yes. I'm getting way older.
People are settling down.
Well, that's their live. And they are blessed with such grace from God.

Learn to grow as a person, learn to love the people around you.
Learn to respect who you are. Learn to respect those around you.
Learn to give more. Learn to live as an individual.
Learn to avoid sins. Learn to gain spiritually.
Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to forgive others.
Learn to open up your eyes. Learn to love the world.
These are my answers to you. I'm learning.
Thus, the reason I'm what I am right now.
If God speeds His love arrow to me, well, that's another story for another time =)
Continue to feast your eyes for now dear lovelies... =) saranghae!

Bahtera Si Nakhoda

Bahtera Si Nakhoda

Nakhoda kapal dijadikan tempat soal arah dituju.
Segala gusar gara-gara si gelombang menjadi teman penglipur lara.
Anak kapal diberi petunjuk agar perjalanan diteruskan tanpa hela.
Beraninya si Nakhoda terletak pada keyakinannya berkemudi.
Gagahnya si Nakhoda tersemat pada kebolehan melangkah aral.
Hormatnya si anak kapal kerana kepercayaan hidup mati di tangannya.

Bila di tengah lautan, pagi ditemani sang mentari.
Malam disinari kelam bulan dan pari-pari bintang.
Bila di tengah lautan, angin ribut dan ombak deru menjadi permainan.
Tiada sengketa lebih besar dari onak yang dilalui seharian tanpa pengetahuan.

Luasnya pemandangan, dalamnya pengalaman.
Hidup bagai bermain catur.
Mengatur langkah mengorak strategi .
Jagaan anak kapal harus sentiasa diawasi.
Takut dihati dipendam seribu kaki.
Hati yang berkecamuk dihenyak mimpi.
Hanya kerana Nakhoda tanggungjawabnya tinggi.

Si awan biru yang sentiasa memerhati.
Kadang tersenyum kadang diguris muram.
Hanya kerana si Nakhoda menjadikannya tempat bual bicara.
Segala kesedihan yang menerpa, kegembiraan yang menyinggah.
Menjadi halwa buat si awan biru.

Oh Nakhoda yang banyak berjasa.
Kau tidak pernah bermuram durja di hadapan anak kapalmu.
Kau gagah melangkah.
Kau yakin mengarah.
Wahai Nakhoda kapal, jasadmu mungkin tiada lagi.
Namun, jasamu sentiasa diingati.


SELAMAT HARI BAPA

Karya: Nurulfizah Binti Mohamed Ali

PS: Sajak khas ku tujukan buat arwah Abah yang dirindui. Moga rohmu dicucuri Rahmat. Amin.

Doa ku kirim sebagai pengganti diri.
Silap salah maaf ku iringi.
Salam sayang dari hati.
Anakmu si puteri.

Bonda ku Sanjung, Ayah ku Agung (click)

2 and 2 makes me.

Just celebrated my 22nd two days ago.


That big 22 caught me off guard sometimes. Just yesterday while I was happily watching 'Christmas-y movies', as I called it, it made me remember of someone. (no prize for guessing) So I went looking for his bro's profile since I know that person doesn't have an acc. And guess what, every time I get such moments, something that I wouldn't want to know reveals itself. Its like a sign from God. (I seriously believe it is) And there it was, a joint acc of them. With the status 'engaged'. I knew it was bound to happen, I prepared myself for that way back in time. But I guess, I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. Even after so many years, it still hurts. It was my choice to look at it. Probably I still render a little hope or you could just say I was plain silly and just playing dumb for my own good. Yes, I cried. And yes I felt a hard slap across my face just like it did when it all began. It still hurts just thinking of it right now. I do not know why is it so hard for me to let go. I thought I did. Well a part of me did. All those ugly memories just start flooding in. How it all got really ugly and things just crumbled. Even after all those years. I still kept some of the memorabilia. Just things worth keeping. Things of my past. Things that showed me how far I've come after all that happened for the past years. It doesn't hold painful memories. Sentimental value that tells me that there were many happy moments that I was blessed with albeit the downward events in life.

After so long, I decided to sew this little guy up. He stick with me even after being thrown so many times. I just couldn't let him go. He holds so much of me back then that I just couldn't throw it away. Even if I was thrown away by his owner, he never holds a grudge against me and it was definitely wasn't his fault. So why would I throw away such a cute lil thing huh? =/

All these said, I've been through so much. I've grown so much. I've gained so much. Friends, family and life itself. I couldn't just waste it away just because of an ugly scar. It's not worth it. My heart may not have budge from the love department, but it definitely has for everything else. I'm very thankful for all the blessings Allah s.w.t gave me. From the gathering of my family, making new friends worth keeping, colleagues turned family, old friends coming back to live, and good friends that has stood by me since day 1. All these saccharine sweetness was the gift I had after all those painful nights. So much. So much ya Rabb. He gave me so much in return. I was so blinded by the pain I went through that I forgot the double happiness I gained from it. Behind every dark cloud lies a rainbow. Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. This is my hikmah. So much of it. And I do not know what else do I want. I'm ashamed now, definitely. I just hope I would stop being stupid. Cause if I don't, I'm practically wasting my time on things not worth of it.

















=D
PS: Listening to All I want for Christmas by Glee

a cup of tea

I believe (or so I say) that there will just come a time in life where you just stop finding. You erase all effort and you don't even bother contemplating whether it was right or wrong. You just look forward to whatever that comes your way. You wish life was easy. Simple enough that you just need to sit back and look as life rolls away. Like a film. Like a movie. A never ending movie (well until your time is up that is). Sometimes, letting go doesn't mean your giving up on your life. It also doesn't mean you've lost all confidence. But, to just loose it a little. Not to hold it too tight anymore. To see what comes to light.

Till we meet again.

0.o Fizz Ali outz o.0

2011

Hello you.

It's been quite sometime isn't it.
I'm a teacher-student now.
Yes.
Albeit all the things below,
I made it. Alhamdulillah.
=)

Me

me

i get emotionally drench lately. Feel so lonely that i get tired of trying. I kept things to myself so much that now it feels so heavy. And i could only do so much to distract myself. The one with the problems is me. Not you. Forgive me.

On a lighter note, get me an ipod touch gen 4, or a kate spade wallet..


I miss talking to u btw. =X